In a social space, we make assumptions about other people that, when wrong, limit our capacity to get what we want out of it. This is me outlining some assumptions I (and, I assume, others) tend to make here on tumblr that don’t apply to me and exhorting whoever feels like it to point out what doesn’t apply to them. Here we go:
- When I discover a new person on tumblr with great content, I’m tempted to like all the things that I like as I archive binge. But I feel like the other person might find me creepy or get annoyed by the barrage of notifications if I do that, so my standards for what gets liked increase steeply as I read to avoid those problems. But when other people notice my blog for the first time, like a handful of posts, and then stop, I think, “Go on, you can like more if you want! I won’t think you’re creepy! I love feeling validated! Like all the things!”
- If I’m reading through someone’s blog and find a post I want to reblog with a response or even just like, if it’s more than a few days old I assume that proceeding will make the poster think I’m stalkerish or that I’ll annoy them with old news. But if someone were to like or reblog one of my older posts I would probably appreciate it and not think of the person as stalkerish. The ratio between decent posts and embarrassing posts gets worse the further back you go, as does the overall quality, but there are a few gems back there IMO.
- If someone posts about struggling with something and I empathize with them about it, I’m tempted to like the post. But I don’t want to give the impression that I’m saying, “I love it when you suffer!” so I usually don’t. But if someone likes one of my depressed whining posts, unless I have some good reason to believe they are hostile towards me, I always interpret that as an expression of empathy/sympathy.
- I often feel like posting lots of depressed whining posts but I hold back because I assume that they are kinda annoying to people. However, I like it when other people make whiny posts about their problems because it makes me feel less alone. Yes, the fact that other people are suffering in addition to me makes me more sad, but your problems won’t go away just because you avoid posting about them. I’d prefer engaging the “we’re all in this together” instinct over suffering in silence.
- Sometimes I consider messaging someone out of the blue in an attempt to start a conversation or friendship. I don’t, because what if they have too many humans in their life already (maybe it would be a useful cultural norm to put social saturation in our blurbs next to the preferred pronouns and such) and what if I’m so average I’m boring and what if I’m not knowledgeable enough about the things they’re interested in so we don’t have anything to talk about? I don’t have too many humans in my life. And if a boring person who wasn’t knowledgeable about the things I’m interested in messaged me out of the blue I probably wouldn’t think badly of them.
all of these things apply to me too.
applicable to me
saaaaame
First rule of applicability club: you do talk about applicability club so other potential members know it exists.
3 months ago · tagged #user's guide to interacting with a promethea · 97 notes · source: paradigm-adrift · .permalink
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